light a match, douse a flame

Photo credit to Andrew Magill of Flikr.

My mind changes constantly. I have such varied emotions. They change as the time of the day changes. I spoke of boys and confusion previously and the same still holds true, except i am amazed at how quickly things can change. The person that is always around, is funny but seemingly a bad match for me is no longer on my mind as much. Since neither of us are willing to acknowledge the insignificance, or significance, of the other night, I have stopped thinking about it. I let girl mind kick in for like 5 minutes. I thought of what we would look like as a couple and I realized I don't care. I find you attractive in an awkward and odd way because of your personality. You are funny but you are not charming. You don't make me melt and it isn't worth it to keep thinking about something so insignificant as the possibility of having played footsies when I have much more important things to do. We can't even hold a conversation, not that we have really tried. I know that the you of this story does not have a high likely hood of reading this so I am not worried that he will be offended, but I should clarify that I am not tearing you down as a person or even as a person of interest. I still know there is some odd quality about you that attracts me to you. I believe it is your wit. Nonetheless, I am done allowing it to stress me out. 

Then there is a whole different character who makes me smile but may not think of me as I might be starting to think of him. He is interested in photography. We can hold a conversation, even if the conversation has other members, we tend to hold the reigns. You are sweet to me and my friends but sometimes I know I try too hard to have you notice me. I have ceased this because it really is pathetic to do. I will just talk to you like any other person. I hope you see me for the real me, not the person I sometimes seem like. I may wear bright colors and dresses but when it comes down to it I can rough it and I love the outdoors. I love adventure and I love to dance and be free and you seem like someone who shares those interests. On the other hand you also seem well sought after and I feel I have a very small chance of making it to the top of your priority list in terms of females. Thankfully, you have a personality that makes me feel like I don't have any reason to swoon over you. I think your friendship would more than suffice. You are a fun person to be around and that makes me happy. But lets not get ahead of yourself Joanna. You have not known this person long. I have a feeling though if I continue to visit my friends, a house you seem to frequent, we will get to know each other much better. 

Lastly, there is another you. He is sweet, older and a perfect gentleman. Normally I truly swoon over him and have to work to make words come out of my mouth. Today I gave you a hug and I felt nothing. I was no longer in "love" with you. I am not over you. We don't have enough to talk about. I need you to tell me your interests. I don't think one of them is me. That really doesn't bother me anymore. I think having you as an acquaintance is enough. :)

Till next time...